This post contains spoilers for Avengers Endgame. Continue at your own risk.
Bruce Banner, as portrayed by Mark Ruffalo has been Bae for years and I’ve kept my thirst for him mostly to myself this whole time. But in Avengers Endgame, he has managed to merge with his other — bigger, stronger, greener — half and it has shaken me to my core.
When Professor Hulk was revealed sweatered up and bespectacled, ya girl felt A Way. I can’t lie to you, I started trying to figure out the… Logistics. Cause my mind was made up. I would, in fact, let Hulk smash.
And yes, I have figured out the logistics.
Pym particles. The answer was right there and I only figured it out cause my good sis Dana thought of another potential use of these magical molecules which I’ll also discuss cause — yasss. 😏
If you’ve seen any of the Ant-Man films or Endgame, Pym particles essentially allow people and objects to resize. While they’re mainly used to shrink things, they can also embiggen. I’m sure you can see where this is going. But if you can’t, we’re all grown so I’ll be clear…
I’m going to grow to a size that can receive the love Professor Hulk has to give. Yes, I will risk gamma radiation poisoning and a Bossip-style headline announcing my death — Woman gets Hulk Smashed to Smithereens in a Radiated Romp that Sends Her To the Ancestral Plane.
I could also ask Prof to shrink down to my level but why? It is the Hulk of it all that really sends me over the top and I know that’s fucked up but he didn’t have to be that fine.
And as for the other proposed use of Pym Particles, well that’s even more obvious. We’re going to use them exactly how the Avengers did to retrieve the stones, time travel bih! We’re pulling Thors, M’Bakus, and Professor Hulks from the multiverse into our own reality for… Reasons.
So am I saying I will risk creating new timelines or that I will die for… science? Maybe (yes). But it’s my truth and I stand in it, fully.